He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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