ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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