Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
