If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My liver just had a heart attack.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dick very happy bro
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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