Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
