he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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