All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
