Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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