You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
