Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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