Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
