This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
