I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
