fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
