Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my being single is dangerous.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
