I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
