I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
