im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
