So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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