Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
