i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
