Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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