I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
