This is not my ceiling
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
