We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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