Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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