I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
