I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
