ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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