So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
