never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
