Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
