i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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