the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
