Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
