well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
