Don't make out with my wife yet
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
