it wasn't lemon gatorade
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
