There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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