Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
