Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
