She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
