I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
