So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
