Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
