I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
