He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
