I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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