I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
