These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
