o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
