I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
