Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
