i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
