If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
