I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
