Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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