you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
