Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have fence marks all over my body
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
